Another day another executive order, signed by me, in the oval office. With my big fat pen and bold strokes.  You ever see a signature like that before?  I can honestly say that I have the most perfect signature in the country.    I never get tired of ruling by decree!  You should try it!    

My newest order is straight out of My Struggle, with books.  You know.  I am not a big reader.  My fuhrer, I think that means father in my native German, gave me My Struggle on my birthday some year after he emigrated from Germany.  I think I asked for Minecraft, but he misunderstood.  I was really looking forward to playing that game too.  It looks so fun with the blocks and stuff.  Also Jack Black is in it and he is one funny guy, who totally supports me, in Hollywood.  Also, about my Dad! He was not born in the United States!!  He was born somewhere in Germany!!!  Anyone saying different is FAKE NEWS!!!!  So this book is what I really use to sculpt my most perfect decrees.  Like how Michelangelo sculpts pizza with his numbchucks.  This newest order has to do with books.  First off I don’t like them.  Too many words.  I mean, I don’t mind writing them.  My book, the Art of the Deal, which was totally written 100% by me, was a bestseller when I released it onto the world and even was #1 on the New York Times Bestseller list for several decades.  In fact, I just checked and it is still #1.  I totally know what it is about because I watched the movie version.  Writing, no problem.  Reading not so much.  My Struggle tells me that books I don’t agree with should be banned or burned.  Maybe both?  So that is exactly what I am doing.  Banning or burning books I don’t like. 

You know it usually takes several years to get books removed from schools because of committees and communities.  You know those words sound a whole like COMMUMINISM! But I was able to ban several books in one swoop.  Many of my supporters, the beautiful perfect people that they are, want these books banned.  I have a mandate from those people so anything I don’t like, I just ban now and no one stops me.  Just between you and me, the power to take freedoms away from people with the mere stroke of a sharpie.  That really gets my blood pumping.  You have no idea the rush that is.  Better than the cocaine in my Diet Cokes.  That is true by the way.  I saw the secret ingredient list for Diet Coke.  I just asked that girl, Tulsa Gibbard to show me that and she had it in the CIA FACTBOOK.  Anything secret I need to know.  She has it.  Amazing!

What book did I target this time?  Some book about a freak with freckles.  Can you believe it?  Somebody wrote a book about some girl being accepted because she has freckles.  That freak! The book should have been about freckleface being shunned and stoned to death!  Doesn’t she know that freckles are a sign of poor genetics and should be eliminated from the jean pool?  You know I am pretty sure that people with freckles shouldn’t be allowed to reproduce.  I wonder what My Struggle has to say about that?