You know.  I really hate those windmills.  They just SWOOP SWOOP SWOOP every time the wind is blowing and really just hitting birds and whales and stuff.  I don’t know how it came to this.  SWOOP SWOOP SWOOP.  Clean energy.  Such a scam, you know.  There is no such thing as green energy.  Black energy is where it is at.  Coal and oil!  DRILL BABY DRILL!  I even told that EPA that they need to go back and say that carbon dioxide is like good.  I mean, I breathe it out so it can’t be bad right?  I have to make this huge stink about windmills to deflect all this Epstein coverage.  WINDMILLS KILL WHALES!  FORGET EPSTIEN! I scream.  But the reporters, MAGA and even Greenpiece doesn’t listen and I am almost sure that they love whales or birds or something.  Animals for sure I think.  Maybe it wasn’t Greenpiece maybe it was that Sea Shepards or PETA?  One of those groups should be like the President is right!  Whales need to be saved from the windmills and like maybe birds!  In my head that is how I see it playing out, but in real life people are asking me if I appointed some guy named Bagburn or Burnbag or something.  I think his name was Dave Burnbag and I am pretty sure that he is like my new SAVE THE WHALES and maybe BIRDS appointee or something.  I can’t keep all these people straight you know.  Everyone is always like hire my friend or lawyer or something.  I just sign all sorts of paperwork all day hiring Drinky Pete’s drunken half-cousin or Kristie Noels half-best friend or my half-son Eric Trump.  It’s unbelievable how many people want to work for me that are related to my appointees or myself. 

Of course, these are all people I can trust.  Not like that Jeffery Epstein who I barely knew or talked to, ever.  He was like a passing acquaintance in my home town of Mar-A-LOG-o.  I think he lived in a shack next to Mar-A-lag-O. Or a broom closet. Whatever, it wasn’t as nice.  I barely ever talked to him unless we were both out mowing the lawn at the same time or attending a Miss America Pageant or my wedding to Malonia as my best man.  Just being neighborly, I let him come over for drinks and shoulder rubs, until he started stealing my specially trained shoulder-rub girls for his own island.  Which, by the way, I never went to.  Apparently my shoulders were not good enough to be invited to the island unlike other lesser presidents like George Clinton and Cancer Joe and Barracks Obiden.  You see the pattern there?  ALL PEDOCRATS!  I was not invited because I am a god fearing Republican.  God protected me from going to the island because he loves me and never wanted me to get my shoulders rubbed by all those girls that Epstein hired away from my Marlalogago club where they were rubbing my shoulders, before they got hired away!  You know how long it takes to groom these girls into the best shoulder rubbers?  A LONG TIME.  That was the unforgivable sin that made me and my Jeffery break up.  Get that Burnbag on the phone right now, we have whales and maybe birds to save and facts to bury.