You know, it really sucks being in charge and paranoid all the time.  Do you know what my biggest problem is?  So bigly a problem.  Help.  Getting good help around here.  You know, I can’t rely on my family all the time.  They are just as corrupt as I am!  Can’t trust them.  Like my daddy always said, Donny you can’t trust your family at all.  I don’t trust you further than I can throw you, but you’re all I got now.  So those loser kids of mine are out now.  So that leaves me still having problems getting good help.  You see, I can’t have anyone outshine me.  I am the best.  My motto is if you ain’t first your last!  That is why my nickname in school was El Polio Diablo.  That is mexican talk for winner always wins or something.  Maybe I heard that in a movie, but I am pretty sure they called me that at school.  Sounds cool anyway.  So you see my dilemma.  I need people I can control running the different areas of government so they will do what I want without questioning my superior judgement, but they can’t be so good that they start to get ideas better than mine.  This puts me in a tough spot.  I need people that are just right for these roles.  Stupid enough to control, but smart enough to do what I say and not to have any ideas better than mine but also not dumb enough to fuck up constantly.  It is a real balancing act.  That brings me to my newest problem child, Drinky Pete.

So Drinky Pete.  He was supposed to be a SS general to my Hitler.  Someone who would do whatever I want without question.  A real I was just following orders kind of guy.  Stand up is what I would say.  It’s an oldie but a goodie.  Stand Up Guy.  You know, I need people I can trust and if I can’t trust a white supremacist FOX news talking head to run the Pentagon then you can you trust?  The only reservation I had with Drinky Pete is the amount of drinking he does.  Well he has to be sloshed all of the time with the fuck ups he is getting caught doing.  So you all heard all this fake news about how he invited some non-top secret signal chat people into his top secret signal chat and there was a big blowup about it.  Totally fake news by the way.  That dummy invited a reporter from the Guardian for Pete’s sake!  How stupid can you get?  That place is like the king of fake news.  So I made up some BS story about how he was hacked or I didn’t know anything about it.  I figured it would blow over.  Then this guy starts filling in roles at the Pentagon with his people.  People he is supposed to be able to trust.  Then I hear that they are all being fired because they are being investigated for leaking information to the fake news press.  FAKE NEWS by the way.  They were fired because they were dumb and not good at their jobs.  In fact I am pretty sure that they were let go because of DODGE cuts to the Pentagon and not filling out the 5 things I did last week email from Loen.  Then on top of that he gets involved in another signal chat thing where he is texting top secret information to his wife or mistress or someone.  Who knows, but that is the last straw.  I personally sat Drinky down and told him, no more signal, whatever that is.  I think Barron probably knows.  No more signal I told him.  Now what?  More signal!  I think that Drinky may have drinked his last drink.