You know, for all that work I did for the soviets in the 1980’s.  That good old soviet union.  You know, the 80’s were a beautiful decade.  Full of bright colors, cocaine, Jeffery Epstein and me! All good and beautiful things. You can’t spell the 1980’s without Donald J Trump. At least I think you can’t. I was at the top of my game, had all of my hair.  Not that I have lost any of it.  I still have it all, in a box, under my bed.  The 1980’s, hiding behind my daddy for any mistakes I made both personal and professional.  I miss my old man.  He was really good at pulling my ass out of the fire and using money to cover up anything.  One of the best lessons he taught me.  Donny, he would say, Donny, he called me that you know.  Money is only as good as what it can buy.  In your case a lot forgiveness.  Hopefully the koffirs will be able to keep up, because Donny, you make a hell of a lot of fuck ups.  Brings a tear to my eye that the old man really cared.

So what is the deal Russia?!  I broke my back as an asset way back when and now you won’t even play small ball with me on this totally real and not fake Ukraine Piece Deal?  You know this is all lip service for the rest of the world.  You know I have no backbone when it comes to Putin.  I am literal putty in his hot manly strong hands.  I once saw those hands wrestle a bear one time.  Gets me weak in the knees in a totally manly way.  So now I have to threaten to WALK AWAY from the piece agreement.  Well you know what, I tried.  Always have an out.  That is my out.  Giving up.  Sorry Ukraine, you knew I was always going to be on Putin’s side.  The side of winning.  Crooked Joe let you have a good run, but it’s time for the america to pack up her toys and leave like a crybaby.  By walking away I just handed the keys to the kingdom over to Vladimir, Putin not Zolenskyyii.  Just in case you forgot.  Oh I am making this look like I am being tough with the Russia in the press.  Everyone knows that is a lie, well almost.  Mario Rubixcube probably believes it.  What does Russia care if I threaten to leave the table?  They don’t.  That just opens the path for them to run unopposed into the Ukraine.  You guys had a good run, but you know, you should have worn a nice suit and said thank you.