You know, I am a busy guy.  So busy.  I have rounds of golf to play.  Tariff’s to think up and randomly apply or not apply depending on if I remember them or not.  Looking for that President’s Book’s of’s Secret’s.  Staring at my new portrait that Putin gave me.  I spend hour’s just staring at it.  I am just so damned mesmerizing!  My agenda is pretty full all day.  I just can’t take my eye’s off the big picture.  Dismantling democracy!  Everyone is making a huge deal about me not knowing anything about the day to day stuff that happens.  Cut me some slack people.  I am just 1 old guy in diapers.  I can’t keep track of everything little thing that happens all of the time.  That is why I have secretaries and aids and Eric Jr. and Don Jr.  These people are supposed to take care of the little stuff so I don’t have to.  This whole TEXTGATE or SIGNALGATE or TAILGATE or whatever GATE this is.  The first I heard about it was when that reporter asked me.  To tell you the truth, unless it’s about golf, I don’t really care.  So now some loser soldiers go missing and I am supposed to care about that two!

Who cares that those guys went missing right outside of Belaruss.  I don’t even know where that is.  Why were they there?  No idea.  They probably just went off on a bender just like my brother Frank used to do.  I remember one time he got so upset when daddy tried to force him into working for him.  Frank all he ever wanted to be was a loser airline pilot.  He got so mad that he disappeared for 3 days and we only found him because daddy cut off his credit card.  He was so drunk, just like those losers, probably.  I pay Drinky Pete to watch over the soldiers dudes so I don’t have to!  I am the commander in chief! you think I am in charge of all the military?  How much of a burden do you want to put on me?  It’s like people elected me to run the executive branch, be the chief diplomat, and run the military.  I was elected PRESIDENT people, not those other jobs.  I have suckups and brown nosers to handle the day to day stuff.  You got to cut them some slack to.  They don’t know what they are doing.  I only hired them based on how much they suck up to me, not on any actual experience or understanding of their jobs.  Heck, I barely understand what I am doing off the golf course.  Why am I not golfing right now?