I saw a new post on the Reddet or was it Tock-Tic?  It better not be that Faceplace!  Zuberberg is supposed to be on my side now!  Anyway they were trying to make a big deal out of a new and nasty bruise on my hand.  That is nothing!  FAKE NEWS.  I got that wrestling with my Russian Pet Bear, Lenny.  A very lovely and thoughtful gift from my BFF Vladdy Putin.  It was not from, as it was conjectured, from Melona violently slapping my hand away when I tried to grab her by the pussy.  You know that totally works.  Women want a man to be in control and what better way than to grope her gene-Talia.  Especially if it is unexpected and unwanted.  This is just simple math.  Men need to grab the pussy and women have them.  Nothing wrong with that!  Anyway, I was trying to put some more gold on Lenny and he, let’s say, got a little annoyed and took a swipe.  He managed to hit my hand before my secret service agents opened fire and put him down.  Luckily, I just hired the best person to do a dead bear cleanup.  My newest best buddy and head of the HHS, Rufus F Kenneddy Jr.  That means health and human services.  You know he got confirmed by just telling congress that he supports vaccines now!  Can you believe those stupid congressmen?  They are so dumb.  RFK Jr was sweating bullets about how he was worried that he would be confirmed because he believes that vaccines kill more people than they protect.  I told him, Rufus, just lie.  Those morons don’t know any different.  Just say you changed your spots and now think that vaccines are the bees knees.  They will confirm you.  Half of them are so afraid of my base not supporting them that they will do whatever I say just to stay in office.  He went out there, confident, and guess what?  Lied his ass off.  Payed off too.  Anyway so Lenny is lying there bleeding out and now I have a dead bear to get rid of.  I call Ronnie at the HHS and just tell him I got a little dead bear situation over here at the oval office and I need him to take care of it.  He was on that like a hobo on a hotdog.  Keep an eye on the news for any heavily gilded bears showing up mysteriously at a park.  You’ll know that Kennedy was on the case. 

That is tot-tally the truth and not that I am getting IV medications to keep me alive.  You ever watch the Simpsons?  That is like my favorite show.  I think I like Mr. Burns the best through.  We have so much in common.  He is rich and I say I am rich.  He runs a big company and I run the government.  He is old and uses rejuvenation treatments to stay alive and I sleep in a hyperbaric chamber and get an IV cocktail to keep my heart from exploding.  So many similarities.  That is why you can believe that Lenny caused the bruise to my hand.  It is hard to grab somebodies pussy when you are sealed into a tube to sleep.