I love gold.  That stuff is the greatest.  It is so heavy.  A pound of gold weighs more than a pound of steel, it is that heavy.  It is a science fact that gold weighs the most of all the other metals.  I gild everything I own in gold.  Toilets, chairs, stairs, even my pet bear.  Not many people know that I have a pet bear locked up in the basement of Mar-a-log-O.  His name is Lenny.  He was a gift from my very good, talented, handsome, and freely elected Vladdy-mir Putin who is NOT a dictator.  Guess who never gave me a bear?  That little Ukrainian dictator Voldemort!  I can’t believe that he would risk his country just to poke Russia a little.  Does he have a deathwish or something?  He will learn his lesson when his country falls to Putin like a house of cards or dominoes.  One of those.  Which one of those falls better anyway?  

Back to gold.  Did I already say I love that stuff?  That is why I am so worried right now.  Loen put a little bug in my ear about my gold reserves at Fort Knox.  You believe that is a real place?  I can’t believe it.  Whenever Melona turns me down for sex she usually says, Not for all the gold in Fort Knox, she would say.  I thought it was just an expression.  Turns out it is a totally real place and not fake.  So Eoln thinks that there is no gold in the Knox and I started to look into this because I love gold.  You know, My nickname in school was King(!) Anti Midas, you know.  He was the king(!!) that turned everything to gold that he touched.  I was really touched that the other boys at school would think that everything I touched would turn to gold.  That meant a lot to me back then.  Now that I am grown up I see that it is true.  I am the King(!!!) Anti Midas.  So, apparently no one is allowed to go to Fort Knox and just look at the gold.  You know, if it was me I would open that place up and charge admission to see that gold but no one is allowed to see the gold.  I told Elon this, “Mr. Musk, sir, if no one is allowed to inspect the gold then how do we know if it still there, sir.”  Oenl told me that we needed to inspect the gold to ensure that it was still there.  Now the only thing I can think about is how that Crooked Joe and is son Thompson have probably stolen all the gold and hid it somewhere.  It consumes my mind and occupies all of my thoughts.  Where is the gold?  Where did Sleepy Joe hide it?  Whenever someone asks me a question the answer is always that we better find that gold in Fort Knox.  There will be hell to pay if that gold was stolen by Crooked Sleepy!