You know what I love or at least barely tolerate?  The flag of the america.  Really I am the least patriotic guy I know, other than maybe that Eggs Benedict.  But my base, you know, they are a bunch of flag whackos.  I think that they would hug the flag or maybe kiss it, give it a little tongue. So hot. So I have to pretend like I love the flag two.  Really, I don’t.  I respect that flag just as much as I respect fallen soldiers, which I don’t. Those losers.  I only respect winning!  But still, it is like a show.  My base they can’t tell reality from fantasy.  So I have to put on my acting toupee and pretend I love the flag and will defend it with my life.  So I have been working on this executive decree to make burning the flag of the america like a crime.  Again, this is just another desperate attempt to deflect people from looking at my massive cankles that somehow got on tape somewhere or my bald spot or my very small hands or whatever other body part I am neurotic about today.  Anyway, burning the flag is BAD!!  That is like a symbol of the america and should never be desiccated.  Never mind that apparently burning the flag is protected under the first amendment that I despise so much.  So many freedoms are in just that old and outdated first amendment.  I really wish that I could burn that constitution.  That would be great!  You know, I believe that burning the constitution is some of that protected speech that I am not fond of.  I really should be using the law against itself!  That is like the best concept ever!  How can I weaponize the Department of Law or whatever it is called?  Maybe like set it up so people that I really dislike get raided or something if they say something I don’t like or bad about me.  That will start to make people more cautious to say something in public about how bad of a job I am doing and my cankles.  Soon, everyone will be saying just nice things about me because they have too or they will get raided or deported.  I have a dream that maybe people won’t be saying the pledge of allegiance to the flag, but maybe to me?  I have it!  The new and improved pledge of allegiance that I wrote all by myself!

The Art of the Pledge

I pledge allegiance to The Donald,
And to the brand for which he stands,
One nation, under Trump,
With Big Macs and Diet Cokes for all.

Then my dream of burning that nasty first amendment will be complete.  First I have to sell through all this Trump branded flag products proudly made in China under the MAGAid label.  Don’t forget to check my super successful webstore, that’s even better than that Amazon place, daily for sales at www.thegreatestgrifteverfuckamerica.gov.  All flag branded products now 1500% off!  THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.