You know, I am the most peaceful guy ever.  Like even the most peaceful President ever.  That is why I get so angry all the time!  Like these wars I promised to end.  They just keep dragging on.  Forever.  Why can’t I stop them?  Am I just not good looking enough to end them?  I mean the whole Russia Ukraine thing that I was going to end even before I became President.  That Voldemort!  He gets me so angry!  Why doesn’t he just quit so I can end that war?  I already told Putin that we could take like the whole thing except for my piece then Voldemort goes and pulls off one of the single greatest sneak attacks of all time.  And trust me I know all about the sneak attacks.  Like there was this one gal in one of my miss america pageants that I somehow own.  Talk about letting Hannibal Lecter run the asylum! Anyway, I would jump out behind her dressing room door while she was naked, and be all like, SNEAK ATTACK!  Man, those were the good old days, so many sneak attacks.  Anyway, he goes and pulls off this sneak attack and gets Vladimir all bent out of shape.  Now he is talking nukes.  I don’t like nukes.  They would completely ruin my rare earth mineral mines that I worked so hard to get rights to.  Makes me furious!

Also, then you got that whole Hammy thing over there in the bible belt.  I was like, Benny, make a deal for these hostages and get the rights for the Gagaza Strip so I can make it into an actual strip – clubs.  Instead he starts like committing war crimes by starving the people over there.  I just wanted to deport them and steal their land, not like not feed them to death.  So that gets me angry two!!  Like why can’t these people just listen to me and just end these wars.  To be frank, I am just tired of these international conflicts now.  You know.  I have my own problems to deal with and if the Ukraine and Holyland can’t let me solve them to my benefit then I will just have to wash my hands with those losers.

You know, I am trying to peaceful about things that are happening over here in the america but like once again someone is like hashing my calm.  Like all these losers over there in the California.  They just keep protesting me and my ICE (coolest name ever).  That makes me so angry!  Like why do they get to protest me!  That is an outrage!  You know they are just so violent, so violent.  Not like my MAGA.  Those guys really know how to peacefully protest something.  You remember when they like so peacefully protested at the congress building?  They peacefully broke into the place and peacefully ransacked the place and peacefully chanted for like some congress people to die.  So peaceful.  Not like the California protests.  You saw those fires right!?  See how violent!  I didn’t see even just one Nancy Pol-loser or Dunce Pence on fire!  You see how peaceful MAGA is.  So now I have taken over Flag Day as a celebration of my birthday.  Trump Day I am calling it.  Should be a happy time for me, nice and calm.  Just standing where everyone can see me while the military parades past me, saluting.  I will salute them back, and they will salute me back.  So beautiful.  In my head this is like so perfect.  Everyone, including Maloina, loves me.  But then I hear about some people who want to protest my perfect military parade.  That makes me so mad!  I can’t let that happen, luckily I will have a bunch of tanks and guns right there to take care of these Untrumpians when they start up their violent protests.  Protest solved!